SUPPRESSED
Well everybody needs a kick start in life at some point or the other, but what if you're never given that chance? If you get screwed over before you even say anything? Even when you're given the chance to speak up you can not because of the pressure? Lets face it, you're miserable and suffering from depression.
I guess at some point everyone feels lowered to some extent, by family, friends, partners, peer pressure etc. Family pulls you down, pressurizes you into decisions that are supposed to be in your hands. For instance from school to marriage, everything depends on what parents think is best for you even if you know it isn't or is against your will. There are moments when you have to cope up with everything and go accordingly even-though your point of view is different.
Lets start with school, shall we? When you want to be in a different school but your forced to study in the one parents like, when you want to join the 'cool' group but they think it's bad influence, when you want to go out with friends but they say that it's bad company and is spoiling your habits, when you party just one day but they say it affected your grades, when you want to be up to date with fashion but they think it's vulgarity or a waste of money and time and worst one is when you say "you'll get dropped" actually means they'll come see you off and embarrass you in-front of your friends. These are the worst high-school nightmares which unfortunately one has to live with at some point or the other without uttering a single word against their will.
Then comes the time when you're actually in school busy trying to impress everyone, going against your own will to stay 'cool' and that too while obeying the rules of your parents and taking their orders. When you have to go wrong to prove yourself right in-front of your friends under peer pressure. Then when it comes to taking sides between your real friends and fake wannabe friends. When impressing them is not the only job here but dissing your real friends is the main target. Not being able to call right 'right' and wrong 'wrong' but vice versa.
Moving on to the love life *the fairy-tale* you lived does nothing but pretty much throws you in the pile there. The sacrifices, the compromises you made to make it work sooner or later turned out to be bad decisions at some point. There's rarely a love affair that lasts from school till marriage, lets call it the *fairy-tale that lived* well, not everyone has it. When you're bound by restrictions and obligated to do things you never wanted to do, it pulls you down and well basically crushes your faith in *trust* *love* *hope* whatever. And when it goes down the drain, all you have is regret. Regret that will stay with you for quite a while there, which is when you'll realize that you lost the time which should've been the time of your life. But no, what are you left with? Regret. All this time when you thought that you partner would sweep you off your feet and take you to this wonderland was just a load of bull, all that happened was that you did get swept off your feet but ended up feeling down in the dumps.
After all that drama when you step in the world and reach your friends who help you out and are there for you seem to be your BFF's. It's all rainbows and butterflies, a world you never saw and that freedom you thought you'd never get is actually there and for a while there you actually think that it's worth it. You're living your life but then again not for long sweetie. Friends turn into foes and there you have it, politics. Every body sweet talks at front but actually sabotages your life behind your back and before you even know it you're out, hated and left alone. You sit there in tragedy and think you brought all this upon yourself. You feel catastrophic and blame yourself for every single bad thing that ever happened to you.
You start to think you're world is upside down, it's nothing the way you planned it, your school, friends, family and even your career. This is not how you wanted to live your life, you wanted it to be your way. You wanted to be independent and prove yourself to the world but you're way too old now and you've lost so much time. You could've been productive and done something with your life, stood on your feet. But you feel that you're being pushed down so hard that you almost decide to give up on everything, your dreams, your goals, literally everything.
But you know what? Okay this may sound cliche but seriously you still have the time to fix it! Nothing gets served in a dish right in-front of you, you've got to earn it. Get off your whiny behind and start doing something about it. You can change the way people feel about you, let them see the brighter side, the better you. Show them that all this is not going to let you down. I know it's a lot of pep talk but seriously you can turn this around. I mean come one, feelings change all the time, that's why they're called feelings! So communicate and make a change, try to convince everyone and let them see the new you. You are not a loser, work up the anger and those feelings you've secluded for years and do something productive with it. Follow your dream, be what you want to be. It will take time but all you've got to do is take the initiative. Yeah it's going to take time, after all it isn't magic. You'll have a lot of convincing and explanations to do, but if it's worth it why not give it a shot? At-least you won't feel sorry for yourself later that you didn't try. Don't let people feel pity for you, that's just wrong on so many levels. Earn yourself some respect and get going with it! Let it all out and bury the hatchet by all means because grudges won't get you anywhere. Start over, turn over a new leaf. A clean slate is what you need then get on with it. Be an optimist rather than being a pessimist. Suppressed feelings will only let you down.
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